|OK, it's Christmas time, and this guy's wife sits him down and says,
"Look, every year you get me a crappy Christmas gift, and I'm sick
of it. Either you get me a good gift this year, or there's going to be hell
to pay." Well, the guy loves his marriage and he doesn't want to risk
it, so early in December he heads out to the malls and tries to find the
"perfect gift." He can't find anything. He tries and tries, but
just can't come up with that special gift.
Finally, it's Christmas eve, and he's out in the snow wandering the streets
of his hometown looking for a gift. He's desperate, and at the end of his
rope. Just then, he sees a neon light in a pet store window saying, "COME
SEE CHET, THE AMAZING CHRISTMAS PARROT." The guy figures he has nothing
to lose at this point, and in he goes. The pet store owner greets him, and
the guy says, "Can I see Chet, the Amazing Christmas Parrot?"
"Excellent," the owner says, "Let me get him."
In a few moments, the owner comes out from the back carrying a cage with
a blanket over it. He pulls off the blanket and says, "Voila! I give
you Chet, the Amazing Christmas Parrot." The guy, seeing a pretty ordinary-looking
bird in the cage, says, "Well, it's just a bird."
"Ah, but wait!" the owner says. "And watch this.
The owner then strikes a match and holds it under Chet's left foot. The
bird all of a sudden starts to sing "Silent Night," and it's in
the most beautiful falsetto voice the guy has ever heard. It brings tears
to his eyes. The guy is very impressed, but the pet owner says, "Wait,
there's more!" He then lights a match and holds it under Chet's right
foot. Chet starts singing "Jingle Bells." Perfect voice, great
rhythm, it's just great. Well, the guy can't believe this performance, and
he tells the pet store owner, "Wrap it up, I'll take it!"
He goes home and sleeps the sleep of angels, knowing he's finally gotten
his wife the perfect Christmas gift. The following morning, as they are
opening presents, the wife turns to the guy and says, "OK, it's go
time, Honey. Either you show me my wonderful gift, or there's going to be
hell to pay."
"Don't worry, sweetheart, you're going to love it," the guy
says, and pulls out the cage with the blanket over it.
"Voila!," he says, "I give you Chet, the amazing Christmas
The woman looks at the bird for a bit, and then says, "Well, it's
just a bird."
"But wait, honey," the guy says, as he holds a match under
Chet's left foot. Chet starts singing "Silent Night" again in
the same beautiful voice. As the guy is there with a tear in his eye, the
wife is not impressed. "So," she says. "It's a bird that
sings. Big deal."
"Honey!," the guy says. "I can't believe you're not impressed.
But wait, there's more." He holds a match under Chet's right foot,
and the bird starts in on "Jingle Bells." But still, the wife
is not impressed. The guy is going out of his mind with desperation at this
point, and he's sweating bullets. In an act of utter desperation, he holds
the match right under Chet's crotch. Just then, the bird starts to sing:
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."
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