|Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but
don't let that fool you.:He really is an idiot.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad
to make an exception.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a
child of five.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid
it down I was convulsed :with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and
I'll bet he was glad to get:rid of it.
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity
ever done for me?
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Military justice is to justice what military music
is to music.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he
got into my pajamas I'll:never know.
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your
I must say that I find television very educational.
The minute somebody turns:it on, I go to the library and read a book.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this
If I held you any closer I would be on the other
side of you.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people
like me as members.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor;
which is probably more than she ever did.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact,
she reminds me more of you:than you do!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her
is his wife.
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a
clear case for divorce and so:will my wife.
Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other
hand, water is water!
And:east is east and west is west and if you take
cranberries and stew themlike apple-:sauce they taste much more like prunes
than rhubarb does.
Now you:tell me what you know.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I married your mother because I wanted children,
imagine my disappointment :when you came along.
Whatever it is I'm against it.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is
always a smoke.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark:to read.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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